A Christmas Baby... PART TWO

If you haven't read PART ONE of the story yet, go back and do that first! 

I've never really done anything special to surprise Curtis with the news of a baby. For most of them we'd been working with fertility specialists so we both knew what was happening every step of the way. This time, being a bit of a surprise, was different. I wanted to plan something fun for him. But then, the day after I found out, I woke up and was about to get the kids ready for the bus when he rolled over and looked at me. I looked back at him and just blurted it out, "I'm pregnant!" He definitely thought I was joking but after the initial shock wore off we both just laughed. It took a few days to get used to the idea. We were both a little scared at the thought of having five kids. But as the news began to settle in, I became increasingly more excited. It felt like it was just meant to be. 

We went to my first doctor's appointment to get a better idea of a due date and how far along I might be. They gave me an ultrasound and our excitement quickly turned to nerves and worry. They called me back for a second ultrasound to get even more pictures before the doctor would see me. When the doctor came in the room, we knew the prognoses was bad. She sat down and told us that it looked like I had a "molar pregnancy." I had never heard this term before but learned that it meant that the cells in the sack would start growing abnormally causing cysts. The growths could grow uncontrollably and even go through the wall of the uterus, as well as possibly turn into cancerous growths. This also meant that the "baby" in the sack was not viable and would never grow into an actual baby. She recommended we come back in a week, and talk about scheduling a D&C. 

I remember feeling shocked and scared, but mostly sad. I bawled the entire drive home and crawled into bed immediately. To go from not expecting to get pregnant, to getting pregnant, to getting excited about it, to learning that it wasn't going to happen after all, was emotionally exhausting. It was also frightening to see how scared Curtis was at the thought that something could happen to me. 

On the drive home, I prayed and prayed and told Heavenly Father how much I would love and take care of this baby. And I just kept thinking that I needed a priesthood blessing immediately. My dad was out of town and so we called a close family friend/neighbor to come over that night and help Curtis to give me a blessing. The spirit was so strong in the room afterwards. I was hoping Curtis would just tell me that everything was going to work out just fine, but he didn't give me that answer. He told me to be patient. And with that I felt so much comfort and peace.

The next week was excruciatingly long, but I surprised myself with how peaceful I felt about the whole thing. I no longer felt such sadness. I didn't feel hopeful about the prognoses changing, I just felt like I would be OKAY with losing the pregnancy. 

Finally, a week went by and we went in for my second ultrasound to double check the molar pregnancy. I looked at the screen and immediately saw a heart beat... she said I looked to be about 5.5 weeks along and that I could go and wait for my talk with the doctor. I just kept asking her, "So everything looks ok!?" 

Next, we went in to the exam room to wait for the doctor. While waiting, the nurse brought in this little purple bag full of papers and other things. I knew exactly what this bag was...it was the bag they give you at the beginning of every pregnancy with information and prenatal vitamins to try. I looked at the nurse like she was crazy when she brought that in and once again asked, "So everything looks ok!?" She responded with something like, "Honey, purple is a happy color, of course everything is ok!"

And it was. The doctor couldn't explain why or how, but all signs of the molar pregnancy had disappeared in that one week. The baby had a heartbeat and looked to be completely healthy. I've had two more ultrasounds since that day and every time I go in with a bit of anxiety. I keep imagining that they will look and the baby will have disappeared. But every time, the baby has been growing and completely healthy. 

We feel so extremely blessed, and more than ever like this baby is a miracle and meant to be a part of our family. We are still practicing some caution, but we feel happy and excited and grateful as well!

A Christmas Baby... PART ONE {13 Week Bumpdate}

The story begins way back in the fall when we had a conversation about whether or not we wanted more kids. We both felt like we could potentially have another one but we felt content with how things were. 

At some point after that conversation I was woken abruptly in the middle of the night to the whisper of one of my kids saying, "Mom!" I sat up quickly thinking one of them had a nightmare or was sick. I looked around my dark room and saw no one. A few weeks later the same whisper of "Mom!" woke me up in the night. No one was there, and when I went to check on the kids they were all fast asleep. 

I had the feeling that this whisper was a little spirit up in heaven waiting to join our family, but I also knew my family thought I was a little bit crazy! Ha! It was also around this time that we finally had a bike for Curtis and a seat for Lucy which meant we started going on almost nightly bike rides around the neighborhood. Every time we rode I felt so content and happy. I was in a good place. My children were all at fun and easy stages. The rough post part-em period was over and I felt like my body and mind were mine again.  

This was all in the glorious spring time when all the flowers were blooming and the sun shines, and the air is warm. It was also a time when the kids endured a few days of the dreaded stomach bug. I also started feeling pretty sick, but while the boy's were better within 24 hours, I was still feeling it several days later. The thought of that middle of the night whispering was still in the back of my mind, so I took a pregnancy test, just in case. I felt pretty silly doing it because what were the chances (you'll have to read all about my pcos journey here...)!? I remember squinting at that darn test so hard and sort of seeing a line, but sort of not. I decided I was just imagining things and was feeling fine with it. 

The very next morning, my good friend texted me first thing. Her message said, "Are you pregnant!?" because she had dreamed during the night that I was. I was shocked to see that! How did she know!? But since I had just taken that test, I told her that no, I was definitely NOT pregnant! 

A  few days later, however, I was STILL feeling sick. I took one more test, just to be sure. This time...

there were two solid, dark, pink lines. 

The story doesn't end there... the past 13 weeks have been the most difficult, emotional, and also amazing weeks. So look forward to a PART 2...

But for now, I thought it was time to share with our loving family and friends (since the "too much ice cream" pudge is starting to look questionable) that we are so excited to be expecting baby number 5 on or around Christmas Day! We are feeling extremely blessed!